Wednesday, May 30, 2007

communication is significant

why?
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To say i am talkative, I am not. In fact, I am overly quiet. However, i've come to the realization that talking is the most important discovery of a women. Think about it. What would have happened to humanity if we would not have discovered how to talk. Imagine two people staring at each other grunting. In today's society that could be grounds for two people to start a fight. I know if I grunted at my boss I doubt I would still have a job. Talking is the basis for all communication anymore. But then there comes a time when a lot of people just cannot talk. Fear overwhelms people. Instances can include talking to a member of the opposite sex for the first time, speaking in public, asking for a raise, or when fighting with a spouse.
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I realized something, then there is the truly scary instance. When something controversial comes up and people are scared to say what is on their mind. The highest instance of this occurrence is when people speak of religion and politics. This is what is definitely scary. Think about it. How would one discover what the correct religion is unless people talk about it. How would people realize what the correct political beliefs are unless people talk about it. Arguing is the essence of knowledge. If people didn't argue would we still think the world is flat? Would everything in the world be made out of earth, fire, wind, and water?
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Come to the point of more personal instance. How often is one scared to talk to their significant other when they are scared that someone will get hurt? I definitely know that I have had this happen. Actually it is sort of happening right now. Neither of us are happy, but we continue to try to be together. Why? Because neither of us can admit that the relationship has become stale, useless, and a burden. That is the effect of being scared to talk. This is why communication is so important. Who knew that silence could speak so loudly.
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Listening to "Listen" by Beyonce. I keep repeating the song because i love this song. Listen and speak up dearie~! By the way, my friend from L.A don't know what is Slow Lorris. Heheh...i went to the Zoo the other day, i saw Slow Lorris, they are the most adorable and slow motion animals..I'll show you the picture sometimes..:)

Posted by charlene at 1:14 PM | | Comments | links to this post

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

my love of beyonce


Listen
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can't complete
Listen
To the sound from deep withinIt's only beginning to find release
Oh, the time has come For my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turnedInto your own, all 'cause you won't listen
Listen
I am alone at a crossroadsI'm not at home in my own home And I've tried and tried
To say what's on my mind You should have known Oh, now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling I'm more than what you made of me
I've followed the voice you gave to me But now I've got to find my own
You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I thought had died so long ago Oh, i'm free now
And my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed aside or worseInto your own, all 'cause you won't listen
Listen
I am alone at a crossroadsI'm not at home in my own home And I've tried and tried
To say what's on my mind You should have known
Oh, now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling I'm more than what you made of me
I've followed the voice you gave to me But now I've got to find my own
I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on If you don't,
if you won'tListen To the song here in my heart
A melody I start but I will complete
Oh, now I'm done believing you You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me I've followed the voice you think you gave to me
But now I've got to find my own, my own
...
you should've listen.listen & listen.

Posted by charlene at 3:53 PM | | Comments | links to this post

Saturday, May 26, 2007

if there's a miracle


Rei was my all time favourite chat girlfriend back in year 2000. This is my most favourite picture of Rei @ Nagoya, Japan. I love her hair very much. I love this picture to the max~!
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now, where are you? *HUG*
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为什么我的姑娘不出来.

Posted by charlene at 9:00 AM | | Comments | links to this post

Friday, May 25, 2007

much appreciated


Dearie all, i wanted to take a moment to say thank you. Thank you to all the strangers across the globe that have commented on my blog. Thank you for all the countless messages that I have gotten over the months. Thank you for all the advice and kinds words. Thank you for sharing so many of your own stories. Thank you to all those that have wished me well.
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always. I often tell my friends how hard it is for me sometimes because I feel so alone and isolated here. I sometimes wonder in this great big world will I make difference. If I vanished tomorrow would anyone other than my family and close friends really notice. I used to sign my classmates yearbooks, "don't forget me". I always wanted to make a difference. I'm not a doctor or brilliant scientist. I can't sing very well, act or even dance. I don't have any great talents. I'm just me and that will have to be enough. May be in some small way I have made a difference in the world. Just may be I will not be forgotten...may be.
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for no apparent reason as to why i love my friend from L.A (you know who you are) for given me all the warm hearted, straightforward, judgemental and the most honest comments ever in my life. I like the fact that he is not someone who just drop by my blog and trying to sweet talking me, in other words to put his/her mask, but he tells me straight to my face and sometimes i feels his comments are the most intriguing, he reads me. Today, marked a 1 year blogging friendship between me and him. I've forgotten when did he stumbles my blog for methinks it's kind of faith. Thank you very much. (you put a big smile on my face) By the way, why did you always think that i have been always think pessimistically?
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Oh Janice, you are no less, you are one such an angel and my soulmate~! million thanks. :)

Posted by charlene at 8:54 AM | | Comments | links to this post

Thursday, May 24, 2007

在那遥远的地方

i went to the Zoo after 24 years. I love to go to the Zoo.
you know, sometimes we meet someone and there is a click, a connection, a spark. Sometimes that connection is so strong that it pulls you together against all the odds. Sometimes the spark is so intense it can set things on fire. Then sometimes the very thing that brought you together in the first place ends up driving you apart. Finally, sometimes the separation is more intense than the connection. Do the most intense things in life last the shortest because that is all as human beings we can endure? Are we forever doomed to chase after the shooting star just before it is snuffed out?
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ok. The person I have grown the closet to since I changed to this job. Our friendship had a spark from the very beginning. It was a fast and furious journey. It was charged with emotion and attraction, but the very thing that brought us together has now pushed us apart. I have to admit that our friendship was a little one sided. The fact that I was attracted to him was a problem from the very beginning. As our relationship evolved it became more and more apparent how easily I could be manipulated because of how I felt. Now months later the flame that was our friendship has been extinguished. I'm not sure how or why, but it has happen. As I sit here tonight I have to wonder what is next for me. My closest friend since I moved here is now as distant as any stranger on the street. I once told a friend back East that this new friendship was wonderful and all, but that it was also a distraction. The spark was so intense I have not been able to see clearly. Perhaps now without the glare of his friendship I can move on and find the life that I am supposed to be living. I will miss him and may be we can be friends again some day, but for now I will look for a new shooting star and may be this time I will wear shades.
...
once a upon a time, there was a shooting star. 在那遥远的地方...

Posted by charlene at 8:52 AM | | Comments | links to this post

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

sidewalk waiting

Some people have told me how brave I was for i plan to moving halfway across the country to take a new job and start over. I'm not brave. If anything I am a coward. I left Malaysia only because I had nowhere else to go there but down. I had finally run out of track. My career was at a dead end. If I had stayed in Malaysia I would have surely succumbed to failure. I had nothing to loose by leaving and everything to gain. You must know I left Malaysia in hopes of a better life.
...
You know, I had a thought today. What if I never find the life that I thought I was supposed to be living? What happen to the girl with all the dreams? How did I forget about all the plans I made back in high school. Next year I will be 28. I am not even sure I know what that means anymore. I often say that the reason adults ask children what they want to be when they grow up is that they are looking for some ideas for themselves. I can't spend the rest of my life like this. How did I get here? They say that the unexamined life is not worth living. What happens when it's been so over analyzed that you think might just go mad? I sometimes lie in bed at night wondering who I am. Here I am in this huge city on my own. I look around me and I already have made so many friends, but sometimes I feel so isolated. Tonight I was supposed to meet some of my friends at a club called Sky Bar. I waited outside for them. I don't like going into a club that I don't know by myself. As I stood on the sidewalk waiting I began to feel the pains of isolation swell up around me. After almost 30 minutes of waiting alone in the crisp late night air myself esteem had all but vanished. I looked around at all the people waiting in line to get in and I felt a lump rise in my throat. I couldn't deny it anymore. The loneliness was palpable. I walked slowly away from the club and back down the street to my car. There I sat and wondered again, how did I get here. I guess the bigger question is where am I going. If life is what you make of it then perhaps I need to work a little bit harder.
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如果我说我忍住眼泪, 如果我说我不会后悔, 在这个夜深人静的时候请不要让我如此心碎,如果我说我忍住伤悲如果我说我觉得好累在这个夜深人静的时候, 我只愿能与你紧紧相依相偎因为我会怕黑因为我无法入睡.

Posted by charlene at 3:31 PM | | Comments | links to this post

Monday, May 21, 2007

hypertension in K.L, peaceful in malacca


it was a lovely weekend @ malacca with the colleagues~! i love it when you get away from all the stress, tensions in the city of K.L. I realized not to my body tired, it is where my brain gets tired. Very strange..so strange...Mentally exhausted. More piccies to come in the next post. A very good morning, good afternoon, good evening & good night~! :)



Posted by charlene at 9:19 AM | | Comments | links to this post

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

another wedding dinner + karaoke

beautiful life.

it's about love and happiness when you see your loves one get married..it is about time to dedicate some beautiful song and sings it out loudly in the crowd at the ballroom. I did. It was very fun~! I was up at the stage with Andrew the other night. You just can't say no when everybody ask you out to sing. I was trying to escape it and sitting quietly at the dining table.
...
but i just can't say no~! ;)













Posted by charlene at 9:14 AM | | Comments | links to this post

Friday, May 11, 2007

blackbird

a child called It , a man named dave, the lost child. ~An absolutely rivoting subject.
...
i read about things every now and then in the newspaper. A child is abused and the abuser is put in jail. Then what? The abuser comes out and the child no matter how old they've gotten relives the whole nightmare once again. Even if he or she no longer is being physically assaulted, the damage has been done and more often than not, is permanent.
...
6 years ago, back in Taiwan, i'd caught a talk show with a victim who'd gotten her stepfather convicted only after years of keeping silent. She was a mother by the time she spoke, and even then she said she felt like she was a little girl and that she was all alone. It really makes you realize how grim a place the world can be sometimes. And it certainly makes you smack yourself inside out for thinking you'd ever had it hard.
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if you havent already know, in Toni Maguire's biography, she details a first hand account of the things her father had done to her as a child and her adult struggle with forgiveness. She had tried to seek her mother's, but her eyes had been closed to the problem in the hope that not addressing it would render it non-existent. In one of the chapters, Toni or Antoinette as a child reveals that she had also tried to seek solace in similar literature on child abuse at her local library, only to find that all the books had been checked out by similar children who had needed to read... to know that they were not alone. That other children out there were going through the same horrors as they were.
...
hmm...i've only gone through one book - or case studies - and I'm completely floored. I could never do something like that or be someone like that - I reckon I'd be in complete and utter shambles all the time... It is all so interesting though. If only we could all make a difference like that.
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一万年, 穿梭过的画面只是一个瞬间. 你的手温暖过的宇宙为这孤单星球海天之上鸟儿飞翔, 当阳光越过了地平线, 而爱就是------方向.

Posted by charlene at 8:32 AM | | Comments | links to this post

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

i haven't become somebody

i kinda wonder my friend from L.A was right.
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the most sad case is that there weren't anyone likes you, just no one. This quate is extremely true. (i must admit you are so right, maybe we are too picky and choosy).

Posted by charlene at 9:31 AM | | Comments | links to this post

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

pick myself up

i have no idea how come i have to do so much extra work, job than ever other people. I even have to do extra work and spent my overall time at the office on every Sundays. Life couldn't have been easy for me, i am struggling most of the time, can't even make the right decisions, no one to share with my thoughts. There hasn't been a good year for me this time around. There's definitely something wrong with me or methods that i used. I was so wrong.
...
i am very.very.very.tired.

Posted by charlene at 3:47 PM | | Comments | links to this post

Sunday, May 06, 2007

spending a day trip to little korea street




今天的天气是云淡风清彷佛不记得那一季湿湿的雨季, 人总要试着学习往好的地方走下去, 听到朋友谈起你的消息这段时间你的生活有高也有低那天忽然倾盆大雨忘记关的窗湿一地从此我让四周阳光充裕喔只是记忆里那一扇窗外还没放晴.

为何你眼光年月未变思忆怎么要再返旧年你说要走的一晚连绵夜雨也似这天总要在雨天逃避某段从前但雨点偏偏促使这样遇见总要在雨天人便挂念从前在痛哭拥抱告别后从没再见是你的一切告别在雨天.



























Posted by charlene at 12:38 PM | | Comments | links to this post

Friday, May 04, 2007

the habit within

e[mail] or snail [mail]?
...
every single day, i receive a long email from friends. It's always long and rambling and it makes me feel like they're right here talking to me. Last night, i sat down and felt like i needed to talk to them. So I sat right down and 'talked' right back at them. And you know what? It made me feel heaps better somehow. It's like they were right here with me whilst I went through my thoughts or something. The power of emails - God, we're really so lucky. I remember not having the luxury of this when i was at boarding school, and checking my little pigeon hole everyday for snail mail was such a habit. But, I still love the way i used to be, write snail mail. You know, there is this saying, snail mails are as though like a very romantic approach, something you can touch and sometimes you can smells nice on the letter.
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i am a very conservative girl, don't you think so? okbye~!

Posted by charlene at 12:46 PM | | Comments | links to this post

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

星星, i am not a star

you know, maybe some of the best moments in life are when you are driving solo in the evening, blasting teenage-twenty-something, angsty-lemme-at-'em-i'm-the-king-of-the-world-don't-mess-with-me type music, drumming the steering wheel, bobbing your head, everything's gonna be alright.
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over the past 5 days break make me thought about things about me. True to be true, people who think i'm hot don't really get me. It's not that i'm unattractive, it is that what attracts takes a keen eye to find and a special type to appreciate. I don't think I really began to appreciate me. Methinks pictures take away a precious part of memories, they 'untaint' them, they remove the magic. I love the bits of wisdom I get out of me. They are not of books or sages, they are perspectives i would never think to look from. I often provide a good balance to my often heavily biased thoughts. However, sometimes i'm a great person to agree to disagree with. The thing I can't figure out is how i can be extremely naive about people while being so incredibly insightful about other things. I like to give people a chance--the kind that i would like to be given in turn.
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i don't know how many times have you heard friends tell you that the person who doesn't like you feels that way because they are jealous of you? Jealous of your beauty, your smarts, your riches, whatever. How many times have you told yourself that? I have no studies that I can pull out of my sleeve to prove otherwise. But consider this: Perhaps they see right through you. Maybe you're just irritating or obnoxious or smelly and your friends just tolerate it. This is counter-intuitive, seeing as the culture these days has been to boost self-esteem. But I think in doing so, there are "esteems" that are too highly bolstered that need to be torn down.
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人变了心,言而无信.人断了情,无谓伤心.我一直聆听,我闭上眼睛,不敢看你的表情.满天流星,无穷无尽,我的眼泪擦不乾净,所以绝口不提.所以暗自反省.终於,我挣脱了爱情.把爱,剪碎了随风吹向大海.有许多事,让泪水洗过更明白.天真如我,张开双手以为撑得住未来,而谁担保爱永远不会染上尘埃.把爱,剪碎了随风吹向大海.越伤得深,越明白爱要放得开.是我不该,怎么我会眷著你眷成依赖,让浓情在转眼间变成了伤害.我剪不碎旧日的动人情怀,你看不出来我的无奈.

Posted by charlene at 10:42 AM | | Comments | links to this post